Perhaps you’ve heard the negotiating adsage that whoever speaks first, loses. What’s the reason for this wisdom? The first person to speak reveals information about their position which creates
a disadvantageous balance of information in the negotiation. Unbalanced Information leads to a leg up for the party with more information as these insights can help to get the better end of the deal. For example, you’d have the upper hand in a negotiation if you knew the other party’s intensity of desire for a particular outcome or that there is a time constraint.
Speaking first can also create an anchor bias. Anchor bias leads people to rely too heavily on the first piece of information they receive and creates a baseline for all future discussions on the
topic, regardless of the relevance or accuracy of the anchor. This could be helpful, if you pick an anchor that’s more advantageous to you than the other party was initially thinking, but it can also work the other way and you can lose out.
While there is validity to this principle of negotiating, it isn’t always the case that speaking first is a losing strategy. This week’s parsha provides a great example that negotiating is actually more of an art than a science. When Balak sends his second set of dignitaries to ask Balaam to help him curse the nation of Israel, Balaam doesn’t continue to shy away from speaking. Instead, he names a value.
…אִם־יִתֶּן־לִ֥י בָלָ֛ק מְלֹ֥א בֵית֖וֹ כֶּ֣סֶף וְזָהָ֑ב לֹ֣א אוּכַ֗ל לַעֲבֹר֙ אֶת־פִּי֙ יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהָ֔י לַעֲשׂ֥וֹת קְטַנָּ֖ה א֥וֹ גְדוֹלָֽה׃
“Though Balak were to give me his house full of silver and gold, I could not do anything, big or little, contrary to the command of my God יהוה.” (Bamidbar 22:18)
When “Balak sent other dignitaries, more numerous and distinguished than the first” (Bamidbar 22:15) Balaam interprets this as a sign of Balak’s strong interest in his help. Accordingly, Balaam set a very high anchor. While he likely didn’t expect that Balak would give him houses of silver and gold, he made known the level of value he felt his help was worth and Balak would have to negotiate from that point.
In your daily work and life you likely negotiate all kinds of situations - financial and social, personal and professional. I’m sharing this with you because research shows that just being aware of imbalanced information or anchor bias helps us to be less influenced by them, have a clearer perception of real value, and know how to use these tactics to share key messages to align the final outcome with your goals. Better negotiation skills lead to better outcomes for all parties. So, rather than relying on grand principles, like ‘whoever speaks first, loses,’ it is more important to think carefully about our goals before starting important discussions and be deliberate and thoughtful about what we say.
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