I was recently working with a Coaching client and we were discussing how her plans to relax fell through. She was supposed to go away with friends and through a series of events, it just wasn't going to happen. I knew how much she was looking forward to the time away and now that
seemed to be destined to fall by the wayside, so I suggested she go away by herself. She was
hesitant. I understood. It wouldn't normally be my first choice for relaxing either. And yet, it might be just what she (and so many of us) need.
In March 2021 I was presented with a similar situation. Despite my misgivings, I ultimately decided to take myself away for one night to a lovely hotel. I thought it would be weird to eat dinner by myself and do things by myself, but in the end I enjoyed a very relaxing day and night. I did whatever I wanted to do on my own timeline. I didn't have to worry about the needs of others (which is how I live so much of my time). I read a fun book over dinner, watched a movie from the comfort of a cushy bed, and got a long night of sleep. After all the tumult of COVID, the stress and strain of worry, the intensity of time together when there were few other places to go, and the swirling questions of my career path plans, the time of solitude and quiet was so good for me.
In this week's Torah portion, Jacob has a time when he chooses to be alone. He is on the verge of seeing Esau again after he fled in fear of his brother's wrath. He is nervous. He has sent his family ahead and is alone. It is at this moment that he wrestles with a figure during the night. There are many
commentaries about this figure, but some more modern interpretations see this as an internal wrestling of Jacob with himself as he reviews the things he's done that led to his current situation and to consider who he wants to be and how he wants to act as he moves forward. In the alone time he has the mental space to ponder, think expansively, commune with God, and slow things down so that he can make progress towards his better self.
This can work for all of us. Research has shown that time spent alone reduces high emotional states, both positive and negative. It creates a centering and regulating emotions, fostering a sense of peace. Solitude can help with:
self-exploration as you consider your needs, desires and interests
working at your own pace to solve problems
resting and recharging without any expectations from others
boosting creativity
So, if you are feeling overwhelmed, perhaps look for some time for solitude - whether that's a few hours or a few days away. You deserve it.
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